♀ Outfit: Rock and Roll

First of all I like to make it clear that I hate clothes with dumb stuff written on them. It just seems so strange that you would want someone else's opinions on you clothes. Maybe I'm getting a bit deep here, it's not like they're saying anything controversial I guess. But they still make me cringe.

And no I'm not going to tell you where they're from because you shouldn't buy them.

I love the way the fluffiness makes it look like it's lit up

So why did I buy it? To be honest I don't really know, I'm wearing it ironically ok? Give me a break.

shirt and jumper: New Look    leggings and hat: H&M    shoes: Dr Martens    bag: Primark DIY

Although I don't have many crazy prints to mix, this was also a timid first attempt at mixing prints; the shirt, leggings and hat. How did I do?

I'm listening to:  Tom Sawyer by Rush

♀Outfit: Monochrome Accessories

I went out yesterday evening for a friend's birthday bash, but it was already dark by the time I'd dolled myself up so I couldn't do a full outfit post. But to be honest the look wasn't really about the clothes.

I wish I had glow-in-the-dark accessories

watch: New Look £5      ring: Topshop £2.50

shoes: Boohoo £30

Originally I saw a pair of a similar style leopard print boots in New Look and almost bought them for £59.99. Thankfully I had a look elsewhere and managed to find a pair almost identical at Boohoo, but in the end I decided on these ones. I'm super happy with them and they look great with skinny jeans.

necklace: Primark £1

I'm listening to: Heaven's On Fire by The Radio Dept

♀Outfit: Missoni-esque 70s flared sleeves

 Replace my shoes with some roller skates and this outfit could be from the set of Boogie Nights. This is actually the first time I've worn this top; bit of a risk using it for my first outfit post, I know. It's not in keeping with my mostly monochrome style, which you'll see in future posts, but every wardrobe needs a bit of colour. Mainly I had to buy it because it looks like it could come straight out of  the Missoni archives.

 locket and  ring: New Look

top and waistcoat: River Island  shorts: ASOS  shoes: Primark

Unfortunately I've got a load of great photos which I can't use (where I'm actually smiling!) that have the back end of a dog in them. So in the end I gave up and decided to do a picture that they were actually supposed to be in! But when I wanted them in a photo they decided that they didn't want the limelight anymore but I was determined to get one so I had to crouch down to hold onto them and then had a bit of trouble getting up again. (Not the most comfy of positions for my poor knees!)

Jack and Holly

So the dreaded first outfit post is out of the way now thankfully. *Sigh*  How did I do?

I'm listening to: Slow and Easy by Whitesnake

These boots really are made for walking.

If you've read my ☞ About Me ☜ page then you'll know I suffer from a disabling condition. It limits the amount of walking I can do and it means that I have to wear sensible shoes most of the time. This doesn't mean that when I see an amazing pair of shoes at a massive discount I'm not going to pass them by though, does it?!

Kurt Geiger

In my defence they were 70% off and well, don't act like you wouldn't have caved in too! So far I've managed to wear them once (which I think is a triumph in itself) when my bf and I went for a meal on Valentine's Day. I thought it would be the perfect occasion to wear them as the only walking I would be doing would be from the car to the table and back again. HOWEVER. Trust me to chose the one restaurant that had cobblestones outside; it's really hard to look sexy when you can barely stand up. Epic fall fail!

So if you're like me and should really be wearing sensible shoes, have a little look down there ☟ (you may have noticed I'm obsessed with symbols at the moment).

ASOS March patent point £40  ✶  Topshop Underground Creepers £98  ✶  The Outnet Inimarket Boots £210 - 94.50

The Outnet Newbark Flats £295 - 118  ✶  Boohoo Chelsea Boots £40  ✶  Urban Outfitters £85
Urban Outfitters Dr. Martens £120 ✶ The Outnet Belle Sigerson Morrison Loafers £210-105 ✶ Miss Selfridge Flats £35-17
 The Outnet Alexander Birman £315-173.25 ✶ Topshop POMP Chelsea Boots £100  ✶  ASOS George Cox Creepers £195
The Outnet Belle Sigerson Morrison £280-126 ✶ Urban Outfitters Deena & Ozzy Boots £75 ✶ Topshop ADMIRALBoots £68 

 Caution: although creepers are flat, they're actuallyquite hard and tiring to walk in because the soles are solid and quite heavy. Take a look at my own pair.


I'm listening to: Cheerleader by St. Vincent
Images from: ASOS.com, theoutnet.com, missselfridge.com, topshop.com, urbanoutfitters.co.uk

It's been a long time,,,

...you say you missed me, word gets round, you shouldn't have dissed me, step back don't try to kiss me, right about now I'm 50/50 -  just got a little carried away there! I'm so embarrassed that I can remember that much of a Lemar song. Shame on me.

Physically I've been through some ups and downs, (mainly downs) which have affected me emotionally, over the last few months, which is why I haven't blogged for ages. It's been really hard actually, life has been full of vicious circles recently, e.g exhaustion --> not able to do anything --> becoming bored --> sleeping in the day --> not sleeping at night -->> exhaustion. ta da. This cycle got so bad that I found that I could sleep at night even though I had slept in the day. Apparently this strange sleeping pattern happens to inmates in prison because they're in confined spaces for long periods of time without much stimulus.
Also my Trigeminal Neuralgia (not sure if I've mentioned this before; it's when a nerve in your temple goes mental and makes specific places on your face (across the cheek bones and down into my jaw in my case) feels like a bolt of lightning in your face and because I get it over my jaw it affects my teeth by making them super super sensitive) came back with vengance for a while recently as have the restless legs. Not a great couple of months on the whole!

I'm listening to: 'Perth' by Bon Iver

Did you miss me?

This has been me for the last two weeks; too exhausted from all the pain to even type a few words.  However I'm definitely over the worst of this episode, bring on the next one!

Another thing to add to the reasons why my life sucks

So over the last week I think I've started to develop panic attacks.  Like M.E it's one of those subjects which people argue over, but having had a friend that's had both I can catagorically confirm they excist, at least for her they do and that's all that really matters when it comes down to it.  I'm finding it quite hard to accept because I like to think I am, or was, quite a strong character and I feel as though I'm becoming more and more pathetic by the minute.  For some reason this week I've been finding it harder and harder to spend time away from my house/ a place where there's a bed and bath readily available.  You see having a bath for me is my first port of call, it generally seems to help most of my ailments especially my Restless Leg Syndrome, which is what has come back with avengance this last week having have a good few months off from it due to new medication.  Now you may be reading this and thinking Restless Leg Syndrome sounds ridiculous and I guess it kinda does but I can assure that I would choose the WORST kind of pain over the restlessness.  It is the worst thing imaginable. I imagine being addicted to drugs (which some doctors argue that I am, but thats another story!) and desperately needing another hit. It does exactly what it says on the tin and isn't limited to just your legs, it can be all over.  I think most people have experienced it a bit when you're really tired, or when you're trying to get to sleep on a really hot night or when you have a bad trip when taking narcotics.  Your clothes feel itchy, an itch you can never sufficiently scratch, sometimes it's been described feeling like water running down your legs. Your brain is screaming move your legs but the second you do it screams again and again. I understand all these things do sound quite absurd but I cannot adequately describe the pure frustration and fear of 'what if it doesn't stop?'  I have said many times to people who've been around me when it happens that I want to die.  I'm gonna stop talking about it now because it does sound dramatic and I'm off to my boyfriend's house, where there is a bed and a bath so fingers crossed I'll be ok.
If you want to know a little more about my story read my first post here.

I'm listening to: 'Day Tripper' cover by Type O Negative (that's as much of the Beatles as I can handle!)

False start.

Over the Christmas period I've managed to set up this modest blog, find my way around - kind of - and find a few projects to start, along with trying to find and photograph past pieces of work.  So I was all ready to go but I've come down with a nasty bug and I've definitely done something to my jaw.  It must've been something pretty serious for it to want to inflict this much pain on me.  So the plan now is to get better in time for New Years Eve, have a good time and then start the new year like I mean to go on.
I've never managed to follow through on a new years resolution but I'm pretty confident I'll conquer it this time mainly because I've cheated by starting early but it's all about finding what works for you, and in my case it's cheating!

I'm listening to: 'A Tout le Monde' by Megadeth

In the beginning...

I should use this first post to bring you up to the present, today in fact, which happens to be Christmas Day...woo. You can tell I lost the magic of Christmas a long time ago; I didn't start opening presents until gone 3 today.
Anyway back to talking about me. I guess one of the main things about me is that I'm Disabled, a word which makes everyone run a mile, so come back if you have. I suffer from a connective tissue disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, bit of a mouthful. I am grateful for Mr. Ehlers and Mr. Danlos for all their studies but surely they could've chosen a less ridiculously hard name to pronounce, spell and hear correctly especially when you're bumping around in the back of an ambulance in incredible amounts of pain, full of IV morphine (on top of my daily medication which would knock any regular person's socks off!) and tyring to inhale as much entinox in between tyring to help the paramedics spell the wretched thing!
This disorder can go by the less impressive name of Joint Hypermobility Syndrome, they are currently trying to officially merge the two and no doubt they will choose another complicated name.
So what does it all mean I hear you ask (if you're interested)? Well, Joint Hypermobility is self explanatory except that there doesn't have to be an injury or cause for joints to dislocate and sublucate, they just do what they want when they want. This leads to no end of muscle pain, trapped nerves etc.  So basically I have all the chronic pain from daily life as well as acute flare-ups when something decides it's on the move.  The Connective Tissue part of my illness can affect anything in the body because everything is made up of it.  This means that any thing or system in your body has the potential to be affected and in my case there's too many to mention.
So all this means that I've had to give up a lot of things over the years, I've not been able to reach my potential at university (where I studied Jewellery Design) because of deadlines I couldn't physically make because I'm less able than the other students and my body doesn't allow me to be in a workshop 9 till 5.  If I did try to do that I would pay for it later and be unwell/ bed-bound for any number of days/ weeks after so I had to quit after a year. That was the hardest decision I've ever made, to admit defeat. (As you can probably tell it's still a sore subject and I think it always will be unless miraculously I have an opportunity to learn at a more manageable pace.  The hardest thing is seeing pictures of all the unimaginative crap that the other students are producing.

Anyway...my illness started developing when I was about 10 and it's going to stay with me forever, so I have to find ways of working around it.  It's too easy to stay in bed all day and become a hermit (been there, done that, got the depressing t-shirt).  So hopefully this post will mark the beginning of a motivated future.
(Wow, I just read it back... apologies if it comes across a bit dramatic!)

I'm listening to: 'Night' by Zola Jesus